14 year old doesn't want to visit father

Part of me hoped that he would straighten up, but he has gotten worse as time goes by. The kids have been telling their friends things their dad has done that they have identified as wrong, and the friends’s parents have told me. It also doesn’t mean that your child doesn’t love you or want you in their lives. It’s so horrible that children are MADE to visit people they don’t want to just because they are related! my ex obviously didnt try to hard to remedy the situartion , he was “fine ” with the less weekends ….and so it made it even easier for my son to just not go and avoid the whole situation . She was growing more uncomfortable around him. He is a police office and has relatives in the court house, and that is the only reason I can see that he would have won – which is so ethically wrong. 'I’ve been separated from Ian for two years now. It may be an emotional or behavioural reaction to the separation, and they may, for example, be concerned about leaving one parent on their own. Should be easy, right? He is extremely controlling and mentally abusive (more towards my daughter 14). I have encouraged, cajoled, and tried to reassure them as best as I can. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. 2018-11-14 23:23:47 14-year-old LAOP doesn't want to see father and would like some legal recourse. And back to court I go. The second oldest child went about half of the time, the third and fourth children went to all of them. However, they are expected to treat her and her little boy as family when she lives there. I still believe that’s beyond what the courts would want… to damage the kids further by threatening and trying to physically force them at this age. The court looks at 16 factors in determining custody, and one of them happens to be the preference of … Threatening your teen with punishment or restricting his freedom will likely hurt more than it will help. One of our kids has very recently reported that their dad has said he knows he needs to do better (behaviorally). Young children in particular tend to see their parents as idols and to lose contact suddenly with one can make them feel they’ve done something wrong. His wife is extremely rude to my oldest and makes it very well known that the youngest is the favorite! Thanks for your reply, Ella. Keep visits short and surroundings familiar - maybe start with a short visit to a familiar relative's home, for example. It looks plain to me you are not doing your jobs making sure the kids see their fathers. I wonder if you can help me with a problem I am having with my four-year-old daughter. When it happens often though, you may feel frustrated, hurt or shocked. If any of the kids acted this way about going to school, for example, I would know something was seriously wrong and thoroughly investigate before blindly sending them on their way. Writing is a new adventure for Christy. Please see, Prevented from spending time with my children, Ask Ammanda: My ex-partner won't let me see my four-year-old son. I haven’t spoken to their mother about this yet, but I need to before it becomes a bigger issue. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. This refusal may result from alienation, anger, and sometimes fear. In my state (North Carolina) once the children are old enough to not be physically forced or bribed to see the non-custodial parent, no judge will enforce the “parenting” plan. Sometimes they need a cooling off period and some times they just need to sever ties. I don’t want them to resent me for making them go. I know the only reason he is doing this is to reduce the maintenance payments as it will take him over the 53 night limit. I’m working very hard at the moment to reestablish a relationship with my children who are estranged from me. I have been ordered by the court for her to go, and gave my lawyer many items to support my daughter's reasons not wanting to. Also don’t have the money if he decides to take me to court!! The rest of the evening I tried to change her mind. 14 year olds should have a say in their custody arrangements, definitely speak to a lawyer and tell your daughter if she really doesn't want to visit her mum then she needs to make her opinion clear to a judge. Nobody is jealous. My 14 year old daughter does not want to visit her father anymore and has told him so. The kids have very lasting, deep resentment toward him when they’re forced to visit. What did they like the most about that visit? Mine are 12 and 9 and absolutely refuse to go, they want nothing to do with him. My 10 year old does not want to go to her dads for two nights every alternate week. So, even though, for example, you may consider your ex’s initial new home unsuitable for children, you can start to consider other ways contact can be maintained. She’s had spells where she just doesn’t want to visit him. The last time he filed contempt, he asked for me to be incarcerated. Not sure what will happen. The 14 year old had a huge argument with my ex-husband a few months ago and now refuses to go to his father's house during his … They are estranged because I was angry over the divorce from their mother and took it out on my 2 daughters. Perhaps the focus needs to be on WHY they don’t want to go to their dads’, and what’s going on in that stuation. good luck to us all !!! Kids know who are genuine and who love them. I’m at this site tonight because this is our situation, too. ©2019 Divorced Moms. When she did try to talk to him, he just got angrier. There seems to be a trend with our four children. She was almost hysterical. Yes, she can get in legal trouble. Other times, it’s more of a general statement. Frustrated by the system and by LA responses. If you don't make the child go on court ordered visitation, you make be held in contempt. I constantly try everything I can to keep his father in a positive light. What can your child suggest that would make the visit better? But there has never been ANYTHING they have adamantly refused to do. My son does not want to visit his father. For once, the answer is "you very well may have a case." What might you think or feel? We have Relates across England and Wales, offering different services and workshops to help you improve your relationships. By investing in support for families, together we can ensure it’s available to everyone who needs it. Your son’s age and ability to communicate why he doesn’t want to be at his Mom’s house will hold a lot of weight with a judge. This was because they were 14 and 11 years old at the time. Now kids have no desire to see therapist because they both agree “it doesn’t do any good to talk to someone, when no one listens to how I feel.” So now all the kids see is that the courts are failing them as well as outside help , it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this!! Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. Children express resistance to staying with their other parent in different ways. The situation is increasingly problematic as the child approaches the age of majority (18 years old). Talk to your child and encourage your ex to do this exercise with your child too, Talk to your partner about what you both think are the blocks to your child wanting to visit them, Identify one thing that you can each do to help minimise these blocks. Content originally produced for What Next? Our first-born had been avoiding him for a while, and now the 11-year-old had started to grow distraught and nervous around his dad. She wanted me to know of all the sneaky things she’d seen him do. I pray he will find some clarity and work on being a dad the kids can believe in and enjoy. He had always been quite shy and passive and when my ex’s temper would flare, which was almost a daily occurrence, our son would completely shut down. My kids are getting ready to see their father for spring break. If they have visited before ask your child to describe: If they have never visited before ask your child: Your child's suggestions may not be realistic, but they may help you to consider a new solution that you can discuss with them and their other parent. My 14 year old has seen his dad refuse to take the toddler to hospital when she was ill, ignore him when he had minor surgery despite his dad being the one who booked it. We don’t choose to go through this. And maybe ask them directly if something is happening or being done to them when their with their father. Though this maybe wrong, but I believe at 14yrs the courts would be considering his views on contact and custody at any rate. This is a very frustrating thing to deal with. Your children have a right to see both their parents too. Stressed to the max with spring break coming up, I had wonderful relationship with my son, the minor counsel accused me with parental alienation had the court order monitoring visits,my son runaway from his mother later he start changing now he refuse to come to visits even the monitoring accusing me that I brainwashed him against his mom which it is not true, last court hearing the female judge told mom if he does not visits if he act bad she will be in trouble,the mother she was alienation my son against me but I was successful to undo her work when he cam to me now I can’t. What do they think will be good about visiting? The divorce decree is clear. I think this negative rejection is usually at its worst at the age of 13 or 14 (coinciding with the extra pressures of starting secondary). Now, three years later, the third child is refusing many visits. until around the age of 11 , he started making excuses ( my son ) of not wanting to go , that he was going to have friends over and so he didnt want to go to his dads etc , he would say the same thing to his dad , and most times , it was just a made up excuse and he would end up cuddling with me on the couch later that night watching a movie …. Absolutely DO NOT force your children to visit your ex if they don’t want to. He has always said things that he should, such as calling them fatso when they have snacks, but recently when our oldest daughter didn’t pass her permit test, he called her “a worthless dip$hit who didn’t care about anyone other than herself”. She enjoys music (especially live music), dancing, reading, travel, decorating, shopping, long walks, boating and trying new things. First, let me tell you, I am NOT a lawyer and I cannot give you legal advice. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. At first the children coped well, but now that Sarah is eight it’s becoming more and more difficult to encourage her to go to her dad's at weekends. However, the Court found that the desire of the child not to visit with the other parent remains subject to review by the Court and determination of what is in the child’s best interest must be made in any other modification or alteration of visitation rights. Now, rolling into summer, she is supposed to have him every other week – my son is sick with the idea of having to spend a week at her house – it is non stop screaming and yelling. I keep suggesting they talk to their father, but they tell me that I don’t understand. Our children are great kids who’ve lost trust in some adults. I had to physically drag her to the car. It’s not uncommon for couples to separate because of their very different ideas of what it is to be a parent, so it’s not surprising if you have concerns. They have always complained about going with him and I’ve always talked them into it, but with the oldest it has gotten to the point where she said she is NOT going any longer. Every visit they break down and cry and suffer from anxiety. Offer special objects or mementoes, such as a photo, cuddly toy or favourite game, that they can take with them. Think about how you can break things down into smaller steps. If she is agreeable all you would need to do is have an attorney draw up a new agreement and file it with the court. ALSO, I do not mass text my children when they are at their fathers house; however, he texts them constantly when they are at my house and I do not say anything. 2018-11-15 06:46:54 Question of discrimination in hiring. And he lays on the guilt and gas actually told them they have no voice the visits are enforceable and read the court j7dgement to them already more then 12 x. youre right these are major red flags. Children are NOT pawns in a divorce, they did not choose the separation or the resulting chaos that always ensues. They need to re-establish healthy relations with Dad NOW, and Mom needs to be the one to enforce this and show them that choosing her over him does NOT please her. We are located in Pennsylvania. So Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Visit the Other Parent… In Georgia, the law is written so that if a 14-year-old child desires to live primarily with one parent in a divorce case, that desire is honored unless a judge can find a reason why that choice is not in his/her best interests. Molly, you have obviously been fortunate enough to not have been in or be in an toxic relationship. Manipulation by the Child– Some children don’t want to visit the other parent because the child has other things they’d rather do (such as go visit a friend in the neighborhood) or things they wish to avoid (chores at the other parent’s home). Yeah, some parents may truly try to alienate but some kids are estranged because the parent themselves! my 14 year old daughter doesnt want to see her father, he… my 14 year old daughter... my 14 year old daughter doesn't want to see her father, he is now sending me abusive texts and threatening court..I have not stopped her seeing him, however she has deided she doesn' want to see him. I do not have the finances to take him back to court, and even if I did, I’m afraid that it wouldn’t go positively….from a past time where we were back in court for custody and I had all sorts of documentation including a statement of medical neglect from their physician and he still won more time. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex landed a … The next day she begged me to make sure he never took her anywhere again. For example: “My child doesn’t have a very good relationship with her father, and she doesn’t want to … I sure wish that would be the case. I didn’t come away from the article with that impression. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. Children under the age of 18 are to go to all scheduled visitations with their father. Their mother and I communicate moderately well, but I know this is going to set her off (and the kids are likely to face belittlement from her as a result). Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, Why Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men, The Virtues of Vulnerability During Divorce, https://divorcedmoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i_will_no_longer_force_my_children_to_visit_their_dad.mp3. My 15 year old son doesn't want to visit his father (weekly visitation). Custodial parents face a difficult issue when a minor child refuses to visit with the other parent. I can talk with an attorney however, what’s the chance that the court would entertain reducing his custodial time less than it is now? If they want to visit they do. Children under the age of 18 are to go to all scheduled visitations with their father. However, unless you have concerns about your children’s safety, both you and your ex have a right to see your children. ... any parent can tell you that you trying to force a 15-year-old to who doesn’t want to visit their other parent isn’t going to go well. If mom is encouraging the visits, why would the children try and please mom? You cannot physically force a fifteen-year-old boy to visit a parent if he doesn’t want to. If they’re not in therapy get them in therapy. If you can, talk to your child and try to identify what is behind their resistance to visiting. Plus the kids were so adamant. My oldest (16) was forced to see her father from age 13-15. He would complain of headaches and stomachaches and would try to retreat in his room for long periods of time, not wanting to talk or play. They shut me out and had every right to do so because I was toxic to be around. It is very chalke ging yo get them to their visits and we are frequently late because they just drag themselves through the process of getting there. He has already threatened me , in front of the kids, with Child Protective Services, and called the local police station. Anytime I can make things smoother for my ex without stepping on his toes, I do. Vise versa. Anyone with knowledge of how these issues are dealt with in your jurisdiction can tell you whether it’s worth the effort or not. Thank you for this question. A parent may have a different role in making visits happen for a four-year old child versus a 14 year-old one. It can be upsetting when your child does not want to visit, but don't assume that this is all your partner's fault. No court is going to try to force a 14yo to see her dad unless she wants to or there's a very good reason why that 14yo can't be trusted to make her own decisions. It causes so much heartache and stress. 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