Oh yeah, because plenty of men already have no problem abandoning AND not paying. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. Thats a dudes view. I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. He didnt expect that to happen. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. That isnt misogyny. Its the law. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. This guy sounds like scum. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. You dont really get a say in this matter. He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. People need to think about their actions and the consequences. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. Nothing. The good news is that yours are a little less awful. Its always just a hope. Oh I agree that its a bad idea, but still a choice to be made individually. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. Addie Pray I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. female April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. STORYTIME: my boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. reader, iz07a+, writes (11 March 2010): A But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. iseeshiny silver_dragon_girl If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. Dee S. Advocate Way to break a young girl's heart. well, then Id run screaming the other way. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. Sue Jones It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . James Felix You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. I know Im stretching here, but sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. Read the comments. Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? Abandoning a child does. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. He had a FWB relationship with a girl and always used condoms. Both of those things cant be true, LW. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. lets_be_honest Heres how I interpreted it. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. No. Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. Should you be frustrated at the situation? lets_be_honest Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. Where does the stork fit in? April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. Sorry for the crass language. We Broke Up; He Had a Baby. Less than a year after our breakup, my At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. He didnt expect that to happen. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. That still has no impact on my main points. All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. Wellyeah. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? 1. theQuietOne April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. That support is not hers. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. How does your law make this fair? If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . Thats reality. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . landygirl But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. Exactly why I advocate abortions in those cases. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. What should I do, View related questions: Steve Kellmeyer This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. I dont know what to think or believe. Here's Why Your Ex Keeps Texting You After The Breakup REALLY?! He still has to pay. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. Thats true Yankee vernacular. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. thats just dumb. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. And you dont sound much better. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! He says he cant stand her? If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. ReginaRey How long his new relationship has lasted. I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. Of. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? The key if you do decide to engage- keep it as civil and reasoned as possible. While I am pro-choice, I would never have an abortion. Thats the risk that you take. Well, ok. For whatever reason that may be. Year 1970. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A thus why I said troll label aside. He sounds a bit flakey. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. John Rohan bittergaymark You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Run. I dont think anyones saying that. And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. Personally, it doesnt sound like shes trying to trap your untrappable boyfriend into a relationship YOU are trying to trap him, or get rid of him, by telling him he should stay with her because its his kid (and then you go around calling her (the mother of your BFs child) scoat and such very classy)! Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. According to this, then, a woman should have the choice of forcing the child, once born, onto the father, and then only paying child support for a couple of decades. SpaceySteph The guy I liked got another girl pregnant. What should I do? Oh boy. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. John Rohan Jimmy has made his choice. He should have taken more precautions. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. ele4phant April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. They like to entrap men, too. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? Doesnt interest me. 10. .. but what if she did deceive him? Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. All Im advocating is the addition of a requirement that the woman has made a good-faith effort to contact the father-to-be once she found out that she was pregnant and that he didnt opt out of support. Briana DeJesus. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. just my opinion. Im not sure. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. It could fail. If someone decides to risk becoming a parent by having sex, especially unprotected sex, or by letting a pregnancy continue to the point where a baby is born, they are consenting to be responsible for any child that is produced. I mean every word! Anyone would be angry in this situation. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. The sex was good. She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? It doesnt make sense. Solved. Ive done that on a number of occasions. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. Dream about boyfriend got another girl pregnant - Dreams`opedia Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. No one called him a criminal. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. My Ex Jumped Into Another Relationship: Why? - With My Ex Again How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. He wants nothing to do with his own child. I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats Really, people. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. P.S. You may think your partner was a good person, but that something was missing in the relationship. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. Steve Kellmeyer Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. TheQuietOne reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. Let him go. They came first. Paraphrased of course. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. Mileage 450. Or maybe you feel like youre trapped between a rock and a hard place. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. One is right next to me . he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Seriously. Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. SpaceySteph Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. As a woman, you have control over that. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face Briana DeJesus: PROOF Her Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Revealed I feel no connection to my biological siblings, even though they desire a relationship with me. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. And the children are either damned or murdered. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Any woman who, in a divorce, grants custody of the children to the father is an immature asshole, and any woman who spends her life in her career an allows the father to raise the children is an immature asshole, because, in each of those cases, the woman is just as guilty of abdicating the role of parent as the guy here would be, and in many of them, she also doesnt even provide financial support. You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. Like being pregnant is easy. Cmon now, youd never buy that argument for forcing the woman to have the child. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids.
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